A slightly different view of the same world.
I was walking into work today and got behind a guy who basically inspired me to start a new category for this site. He fits the bill of a typical guy that I hate. When I talk about this kind of dude, people know exactly who I am talking about. He’s that guy. I am gonna profile this particular Jagoff with a few details just to give you an idea who I am talking about. You can draw your own images from the description.
First thing I noticed was that he had a pocket brush sticking out of his back pocket. You know which one I am talking about too. Usually white, hard plastic with a teardrop shape to the handle. Sometimes they are pink with white tips to the tines of the comb part. There is a hole at the bottom of the handle for some unknown reason. What do you with it, hang it in the tool shed? I’ve attached a drawing at the end so that you know what I am talking about.
The pants are usually skin-fu*king tight too. Denim is almost white or reaaaaaaallllly faded. Most of these Jagoffs have haircuts with real nice parts in them or occasionally they have bangs. Seriously. What dude has bangs anymore? They typically wear a jean jacket with a fake sheep’s wool collar or grey hood. A lot of times you’ll find them wearing a black or green t-shirt with an animal on it. Statistics have shown that the most popular animal on these shirts are wolves and deer. Once in a while, one will have a shirt with just scenery on it. These scenes are usually snow covered or high up in a mountain. You gotta love the shirt where they have two coyotes on it. One, in the background standing on a ledge or rock howling at the moon and the other one is a large coyote head staring straight at you. This Jagoff usually lives with their mom. Their preferred method of getting around is an old ass station wagon with wood grain on the doors, especially the very back door although they also ride ten speeds with the curved handlebars and really narrow tires. Other tell-tale signs of the Styx Jagoff is the “Fisher-Price My First Mustache” with real wispy hair. You can tell that if these dudes ever got good at growing mustaches, they are gonna be dark as hell. These assholes also love to listen to music by groups like Yes, Michael McDonald, Fleetwood Mac, The Doobie Brothers, and Grand Funk Railroad.
If you see one of these guys, kill them immediately. Okay, maybe not kill them. Just beat their ass. Okay, it’s fine with me if you just point and laugh.
Here's that sweet ass rendering of the comb I came up with. Feel free to use it for your own personal stuff. Just make sure you credit it me. It makes a great centered/tiled wallpaper for your desktop too.
UPDATE: A few more things about these pricks. Their belts are usually those black braided ones that don't really have any holes in them. They sometimes wear necklaces with bullets or arrowheads. And finally, their shoes are usually all black tennis shoes with no discernable markings. Just straight black "bo-bo's".
First thing I noticed was that he had a pocket brush sticking out of his back pocket. You know which one I am talking about too. Usually white, hard plastic with a teardrop shape to the handle. Sometimes they are pink with white tips to the tines of the comb part. There is a hole at the bottom of the handle for some unknown reason. What do you with it, hang it in the tool shed? I’ve attached a drawing at the end so that you know what I am talking about.
The pants are usually skin-fu*king tight too. Denim is almost white or reaaaaaaallllly faded. Most of these Jagoffs have haircuts with real nice parts in them or occasionally they have bangs. Seriously. What dude has bangs anymore? They typically wear a jean jacket with a fake sheep’s wool collar or grey hood. A lot of times you’ll find them wearing a black or green t-shirt with an animal on it. Statistics have shown that the most popular animal on these shirts are wolves and deer. Once in a while, one will have a shirt with just scenery on it. These scenes are usually snow covered or high up in a mountain. You gotta love the shirt where they have two coyotes on it. One, in the background standing on a ledge or rock howling at the moon and the other one is a large coyote head staring straight at you. This Jagoff usually lives with their mom. Their preferred method of getting around is an old ass station wagon with wood grain on the doors, especially the very back door although they also ride ten speeds with the curved handlebars and really narrow tires. Other tell-tale signs of the Styx Jagoff is the “Fisher-Price My First Mustache” with real wispy hair. You can tell that if these dudes ever got good at growing mustaches, they are gonna be dark as hell. These assholes also love to listen to music by groups like Yes, Michael McDonald, Fleetwood Mac, The Doobie Brothers, and Grand Funk Railroad.
If you see one of these guys, kill them immediately. Okay, maybe not kill them. Just beat their ass. Okay, it’s fine with me if you just point and laugh.
Here's that sweet ass rendering of the comb I came up with. Feel free to use it for your own personal stuff. Just make sure you credit it me. It makes a great centered/tiled wallpaper for your desktop too.
UPDATE: A few more things about these pricks. Their belts are usually those black braided ones that don't really have any holes in them. They sometimes wear necklaces with bullets or arrowheads. And finally, their shoes are usually all black tennis shoes with no discernable markings. Just straight black "bo-bo's".
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