“Always Something There To Remind Me.” By Tony Roberson

Tony is a Superfreak

Mike Jones. Who? Shoutout to Ghostface Killah Get Money Na’Mean.

Iced out Idiot Watch for him to say that he’s bored. Dumbass. This gangsta keeps it real while playing with a bobblehead and singing Mariah Carey.

Somebody’s dad caught on camera at Best Buy dancing and playing air guitar.

Learn ZIPPO tricks from this guy. Starts out funny, then gets hilarious.

“Boom goes the dynamite”

Girls in the Club.  Mostly safe for work.  Just turn down the music.  

This woman must have SUGAR WALLS!.  Okay, this is NSFW.  Be sure to turn the volume WAY UP.

One of the worst ways to die.  Ever.  Ever ever.

Okay, this is NSFW but it is hilarious.  Be sure to turn the volume WAY UP.

This poor guy’s workout doesn’t go the way he wanted it to.

Here’s your next party trick.  Make sure you are outside though.

Why don’t we have commercials like this?  NSFW.  Need Quicktime for this.

Sweet Price of Persia Commercial.  Need Quicktime for this.

Change your smile for cryin’ out loud

A man and a woman were driving down the road and arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window. Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl is chatting away to her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks the car on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks he father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey." The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

So being that last night was Thursday, I went on my weekly flyover the city in my helicopter. If you recall, I crashed my last chopper. It took me a few weeks, but I built a new one. From scratch. It only took a few weeks because I have done it before. I memorized the way I did the last one. Because I am a genius. I digress. I flew out to this rave in South Dakota to hang out with some dudes I “do business with” on occasion. This party was off the chains. I saw some of the most wack stuff I have ever seen there. Some dude brought 4 llamas to the party. They were all messed up on Ecstasy. You simply have to see a llama with a backpack on full of bottle waters. Stupid thing kept eating his pacifiers though.

Anyways, I went out back to grab some fresh air. I was standing out back when I heard some rustling noise coming from the woods nearby. I decided at this time to investigate. I got about 25 feet into the trees when I found the most amazing thing I have ever seen. A 68 point deer. He looked at me and started to make noises like he was about to rush me. I was right. Because I always am. He darted right towards me. I scaled the tree to my left and held on for over 5 hours. It was at this point that the deer laid down to sleep. As he started nodding off I saw my chance and let go of my grip. I came down and put that son of a bitch in a leg scissors. This obviously startled him and he started running deep into the woods. I knew that if I let go, he would probably buck me so I held on tight. He ran hard for about another hour and a half. He was dragging me through bushes and stuff getting my clothes all dirty and torn. I just bought this fresh looking all white outfit to wear to this rave and here I am, 6 hours later, being dragged by a 68 point deer through the woods. In South Dakota. I laughed to myself and thought how ridiculous this all was and decided to end it right there. I grabbed the next branch I could get my hands on and smashed it against the deer’s testicles. This stunned him and he stopped running. He actually started sobbing and crying like a human dude. I felt bad so I eased my grip around his neck. We looked at each other in that mutual admiration kinda thing. I put out a fist and he gave me respect knuckles and limped off into the dark night. I picked myself up and dusted the dirt off the best I could and went back to the party.

Some night, huh? Oh yeah, here’s me in my all white outfit.

Found this on a site I check out daily.

http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/

Evangelical Church Minister Jerry Falwell's "Friend or Foe" Christmas Campaign urges public schools and private businesses to celebrate Christmas. According to Falwell and his supporters, anyone who hinders this celebration will face a lawsuit from one of his pro bono attorneys.

The campaign is led by Falwell and supported by Liberty Council's group of 750 lawyers and the Alliance Defense Fund's 800 attorneys, Christian groups and churches across the nation. It will rely on supporters to report "Grinch Stores" and "Grinch Cities" that refuse to acknowledge Christmas or elect to use phrasing that is not explicitly Christian.

How about just letting people say, sing, or greet people whatever way they want to? You cannot force America to Christianitze. You cannot force people to say Merry Christmas if they do not want to. I personally say Merry Christmas to family and friends that I know (well). If it is someone I don’t know that well, I say Happy Holidays. Who knows what people find offensive? Who knows what people recognize or celebrate? Besides, lots of people celebrate two holidays this time of year if you include New Years. So, Happy Holidays happens to fit very well in that instance.

Bruce Prescott, president of the Oklahoma Chapter of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, has postings about the Friend or Foe Campaign on his website."The Jesus of the Bible never saw a 'Christmas' tree and He never commanded anyone to make merchants greet people with a 'Merry Christmas,'" he wrote.

It’s crap like this that polarizes America and Americans. If you’re not on my side, you are the enemy. And if you are the enemy, I’m gonna sue the shit out of you.

George Grossman, professor at the UC Davis School of Law, said he feels the Friend or Foe campaign is divisive and unnecessary."This is supposed to be a time of goodwill to all," he said in an e-mail interview. "Yet Falwell chose this time to make a gesture of hostility toward other religions. Extending 'Happy Holidays' greetings are a good-hearted gesture to all religions. What Falwell is saying is that 'We Christians are predominant, so we're the only ones who should count.'"

Read the rest of this article here.

Sung to the tune of Silent Night.  

Cold in the night
No one in sight
Winter winds whirl and bite
How I wish I were happy and warm
Safe with my family out of the storm

Another War on Christmas article with the details.

Just a few things to look at.

Mariah Carey shows off the diamond cutters back in November.

Meat-Spin (NSFW)

Fametracker

SpoilerFix

Found these on another blog so I stole 'em.

Disney is changing Christopher Robbin into a girl. The little dude from Winnie the Pooh is being changed into a 6 year old girl because he just wasn’t selling well as a boy.

“There’s only one thing to be done,” said the executives at Disney, and replaced him with a six-year-old girl.

Everything in the world revolves around commerce. If it isn’t selling, change it so that it might.

At the check-out of the Winnie-the-Pooh Shop in Canterbury, David Phillips thought the replacement a shame.

But he admitted that “they’ve never managed to make toys out of Christopher Robin. People come in and ask for him, but he only ever appears as part of a group. Perhaps we’ll be getting toys for this new girl now.”

Not that I care that much about Pooh or the other characters, although Eeyore is pretty kick-ass. Piglet is so-so in my opinion. What is there, an owl and kangaroo left? That rabbit sucks. My friend and I have called him “AIDS Ass Rabbit” for going on ten years whenever the subject arises. Okay, so we’ve mentioned him like 4 times in 10 years. But he is still “AIDS Ass Rabbit”. I just hate it when something so big (Disney) has to try to re-position themselves so that they can make even more money.

Wow! Tyra is hot, right? Right? Look at these pictures.








Now look "closer'. Click the images, dummy.

Coca-Cola Co. announced Wednesday that it will launch a new coffee-cola drink in 2006.

Coca-Cola Blak will debut this January in France and then in several other countries, including the U.S., later in the year.

The company described the carbonated beverage as a mix of Coca-Cola and real coffee designed to appeal to adult consumers.

"It is a blend of unique Coke refreshment with the true essence of coffee and has a rich smooth texture and has a coffee-like froth when poured," Marc Mathieu, vice president of global core brands, said in a statement.

I’ll be one of the people who tries this stuff. My wife has slowly turned me into a coffee drinker. I usually have one or two cups a day. Usually only one. I never used to drink it at all. I only occasionally had a flavored coffee or latte at Starbucks. However, now that I am married and have a coffee maker in my house, it was unavoidable. The people who know me personally, know that I am always the one who tries new products, especially drinks, snacks, and candy. I don’t know how I’ll like it, but I am anxious to try it.

Other beverage innovations hitting the market next year are "Vault," which is a citrus energy drink and a diet version called "Vault Zero," new green tea drinks, an "extreme makeover" for its Nestea brand, and a premium coffee for the U.S. market.

Bring that shit on.

Anyone else think that she looks like she's 85 years old?

WOW! Look how hot Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas is in that picture! Man, is she hot!
Click the picture if you want to see "her" large.

Check out Kevin Spacey as Lex from the upcoming Superman Returns.

Joe Lieberman yesterday: "It is time for Democrats who distrust President Bush to acknowledge that he will be commander in chief for three more critical years and that in matters of war we undermine presidential credibility at our nation's peril."

Murtha today: "Undermining his credibility? What has he said that would give him credibility?"

Fake Ass Republican Piece of Garbage.

So, sometime last week it was reported that 50 Cent performed at a 14 year old girl’s bat mitvah party. A lot of his “bigger” fans tried to say that it wasn’t true. The truth is, dude was paid $500,000 to perform about 4-5 songs. This party was funded by some Long Island defense contractor asshole named David Brooks.

Side note: David H. Brooks, CEO of bulletproof vest maker DHB Industries, earned $70 million in 2004, 13, 349% more than his 2001 compensation of $525,000. Brooks also sold company stock worth about $186 million last year, spooking investors who drove DHB's share price from more than $22 to as low as $6.50 (DHB was recently trading at $4.20.) In May 2005, the U.S. Marines recalled more than 5,000 DHB armored vests after questions were raised about their effectiveness. By that time, Brooks had pocketed over $250 million in war windfalls. He made a profit outfitting our nation's fighting men and women in body armor that can't take a hit from a 9mm round.)

Anyways, also at the party were Kenny G, Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith, Don Henly, Joe Walsh, Stevie Nicks, Tom Petty, Ciara, and DJ AM (dude boning Nicole Richie). Well it was also reported that 50 Cent’s bodyguards were trying to shield people from taking pictures. Sorry dawg. There are a few pictures out there that show your sell-out ass performing with the Little Brooks and 300 of her BFFs.

$10 million party paid for with blood money.

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Got a few quotes for you today from the late Mitch Hedberg. If you don’t know who this dude is, I recommend you check him out. His delivery is classic.

You know, people think I'm into sports just because I'm a man. I'm not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason. Other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips for some time. Can I have a Gatorade too, or does that lightning bolt mean "no"?

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once, they're fu*king relentless.

They say that the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home, there's more to it than that. "Hey, you want some more homemade Sprite, man?" "Not until you figure out what the fu*k else is in it!"

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fu*k it. Cut 'em up!"

They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank! "What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know, we never give them a chance. What the fu*k is sesame?! It's a street. It's a way to open shit. How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular!

I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender....all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well that's a "Fresher" ...I'm going on break.

I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a doorknob on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat."

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We're sorry for the fact that you can still get up there."

If you asked my sister Wendy if she thought I was weird, she'd say, "Yeah." But that's bullshit 'cause she's weird, 'cause she like has a family and a family picture on their VCR where they're all looking slightly to the left. Like something over there happened, and made everybody happy. But my sister's cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right the fu*k on.

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me, they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "What?" and turn my head slightly.

I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!' and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye,' then you can yell 'Cut!'"

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

A few words on Mariah Carey: Skeeze. Skank. Fake. Over-the-Top. Thick. Nice to look at. Semi-Washed Up. "We Belong Together" Catchy.

Here’s a few things I need to say about the new X-Men movie coming out. First, I need to inform dear reader that I have yet to see the trailer. This is just my take after viewing the promo pics above. It’s hard to believe that the first picture is Kelsey Grammer, huh? That second one of Angel looks tight to me.

Now, my reservation about the movie. Brett Ratner is directing it. This guy has made some decent stuff (Rush Hour, Red Dragon) over time, but he has also made some not so decent stuff too (Money Talks, After the Sunset). Every time I read something he says, I just feel like yelling at the magazine or website that bothered to talk to him. I think he is a douchebag. He took over the reigns of the franchise after Brian Singer left to film Superman Returns. Singer has far superior product compared to Ratner. Ratner needs to stick to making music videos. Just because you are “excited” about the project or a “a huge fan” of something, doesn’t make you an expert at it. Hell, I get excited over money and I consider myself a big fan of it. But guess what, I am not good at making it and keeping it.

When I saw the first X-Men I remember coming out of the theater thinking to myself “Man, that was pretty sweet.” Two days later I was like “Man, there was not nearly enough character development. Too many people in the movie.”

When I came out of the second one, I was thinking, “Wow! That was much better than the first one. I care more about the people in the movie. Better character development.” A few weeks later, I’m thinking “That was a lot of fun, but I don’t think I’ll be watching that movie over and over on DVD.”

When I think about this movie, I say to myself, “Don’t get too excited.” I will probably end up liking the movie on first viewing. However, I anticipate that I will not be touting the merits of any of these movies down the road. Sure, the special effects are cool, the script is decent, the actors are excellent, and the music is kinda neat too. I just don’t know what it is that makes me not like these movies like I should. I’ll be back with more once I watch the trailer.

I was walking into work today and got behind a guy who basically inspired me to start a new category for this site. He fits the bill of a typical guy that I hate. When I talk about this kind of dude, people know exactly who I am talking about. He’s that guy. I am gonna profile this particular Jagoff with a few details just to give you an idea who I am talking about. You can draw your own images from the description.
First thing I noticed was that he had a pocket brush sticking out of his back pocket. You know which one I am talking about too. Usually white, hard plastic with a teardrop shape to the handle. Sometimes they are pink with white tips to the tines of the comb part. There is a hole at the bottom of the handle for some unknown reason. What do you with it, hang it in the tool shed? I’ve attached a drawing at the end so that you know what I am talking about.

The pants are usually skin-fu*king tight too. Denim is almost white or reaaaaaaallllly faded. Most of these Jagoffs have haircuts with real nice parts in them or occasionally they have bangs. Seriously. What dude has bangs anymore? They typically wear a jean jacket with a fake sheep’s wool collar or grey hood. A lot of times you’ll find them wearing a black or green t-shirt with an animal on it. Statistics have shown that the most popular animal on these shirts are wolves and deer. Once in a while, one will have a shirt with just scenery on it. These scenes are usually snow covered or high up in a mountain. You gotta love the shirt where they have two coyotes on it. One, in the background standing on a ledge or rock howling at the moon and the other one is a large coyote head staring straight at you. This Jagoff usually lives with their mom. Their preferred method of getting around is an old ass station wagon with wood grain on the doors, especially the very back door although they also ride ten speeds with the curved handlebars and really narrow tires. Other tell-tale signs of the Styx Jagoff is the “Fisher-Price My First Mustache” with real wispy hair. You can tell that if these dudes ever got good at growing mustaches, they are gonna be dark as hell. These assholes also love to listen to music by groups like Yes, Michael McDonald, Fleetwood Mac, The Doobie Brothers, and Grand Funk Railroad.

If you see one of these guys, kill them immediately. Okay, maybe not kill them. Just beat their ass. Okay, it’s fine with me if you just point and laugh.

Here's that sweet ass rendering of the comb I came up with. Feel free to use it for your own personal stuff. Just make sure you credit it me. It makes a great centered/tiled wallpaper for your desktop too.






















UPDATE: A few more things about these pricks. Their belts are usually those black braided ones that don't really have any holes in them. They sometimes wear necklaces with bullets or arrowheads. And finally, their shoes are usually all black tennis shoes with no discernable markings. Just straight black "bo-bo's".

What is all of this crap about the war on Christmas?  First of all, why do we have to call everything a “war” anyways?  Do we ever win wars that we make up?  Drugs, terror, crime?  We’ve never won those wars.  

Well our good friends at FOX News want you to think that the ultra left wing liberals want to get rid of Christmas.  They are tying to say that the liberals want us to stop using words and phraseology that refer to religions like Christianity.  They point out all of the companies that use the term “Holiday” instead of Christmas.  They show us all of the cities who have erected Holiday Trees.  On the O’Reilly Factor we have daily rants about who about how secular people are evil and trying to ruin things for everyone.  He is very quick to point out when a business has switched to Christmas verbiage for advertising and declares those a “win” in the War on Christmas.   Just last Friday he had this to say:

"Some big wins for Christmas. ... The yule-tide has turned, ladies and gentlemen. The anti-Christmas forces are retreating all over the USA…”

"…In Deerfield, New Hampshire, some cops and firefighters say they're puttin' up the nativity scene on the town green. And you can talk to them, if you don't like it…"

"…Walgreen's now says it made a mistake eliminating Christmas from its advertising this year and next year Christmas will be back. Lowe's home improvement centers now say now say they are selling Christmas trees, not holiday trees…"

BIG DAMN DEAL.  The people who are up in arms over what somebody is saying for their advertising or their form of decorating need to relax.  If you really run around so worried about what other people are doing, then you need to get a hobby.  Find something to do with your time besides living in anger and fear.  For crying out loud, you are letting the terrorists win.  These are usually the same people who have to make sure the house is locked when they go to bed.  You never know… Someone might run up in your house and put an ice pick in your chest while you sleep!  

As a side note it should also be known that on FOX News’ official website, just last week they were selling “HOLIDAY ORNAMENTS” for your “HOLIDAY TREE”.  Hypocrites.  They corrected it, but here is the proof of it.  FOX is also having a “HOLIDAY PARTY”.  Wanna see the invitation?

These girls want you dead! That is if you're anything but White. You may have heard of them, "Prussian Blue". The Nazi, racist, white power, white supremacist, fun loving folk singers whose songs are about "white power" and the glory days of old when Adolph said it was okay to kill anyone that didn't have blonde hair, blue eyes and swastikas on their arm?

Oh, you haven't heard of them? Neither has most of the country, because the majority of "Americans" want nothing to do with this type of rhetoric. Case in point: These two girls decided to help the hurricane relief effort by putting together care packages to send to needy families, but there was a caveat. The packages were only intended for "white families in need". Imagine the horror of a black family that opens this "care package" only to find canned goods tucked under arm bands emblazoned with swastikas! When word got around that these packages were meant for whites only they found their way to a memorabilia shop specializing in confederate souvenirs in Mississippi, never to be seen again. Lynx and Lamb (the twins names) are headed for a tough life. The appetite for hate monograms is dying throughout the country, and while Lynx and Lamb are cute and getting lots of attention now, there's just no audience for this type of movement. Sure, there are a handful of morons that will jump aboard this bandwagon, but the USA is a multi-cultured nation for good. There's no going back. When the ports and shores were opened up to immigrants by our founding fathers there was no picking and choosing who you let in. When the slave ships arrived, it meant the end of an all white nation, and aren't we all better off for it?

DT Money

Let me say up front that I'm a "Pro Choice", "Pro Life", or whatever else they're calling it these days. I'm not for "Gay Rights". I'm for "Human Rights". I'm not a "Conservative or a Liberal", nor am I a "Republican or a Democrat". I am a concerned citizen of what I feel is still the greatest country in the world, in spite of our own attempts to muck it up.

I have never been for the "death penalty". I feel it is hypocritical, and not only at the state level. While the state is committing the same act as the person they are punishing, in the end it's the right wing, conservative, religious right that I have a problem with. How can you be "pro life" yet support the death penalty? One of their slogans says "All life is precious." It doesn't say "All life is precious, except those on death row." To place so much energy into the life of an unborn child, when you're willing to kill a living, breathing adult is ludicrous to me. And yes, I heard every scenario out there. "What if they murdered your wife?" "What if they raped and murdered your child?" "What if they killed your mom?" I would still be against it for a few reasons. First of all, killing that person is not going to bring any of my loved ones back. There are no "pet cemeteries". Secondly, I would much rather have that person live out the remainder of their life in solitary confinement, thinking about what they've done. I am convinced that everyone has a conscious. Everyone. And given that much time alone, you have no choice but to think about what you've done. I don't care if they never show remorse. Just let them sit there for the next 50 years or so alone and with no freedoms. There should also be hard labor involved.

Whatever happened to redemption? Our own president claims that he's a "born again Christian" and that he's a "changed man". Yet he executed more people as the governor of Texas than any other governor in the history of that state! He was given a second chance, yet his refusal to grant clemency to anyone is saying that others can't be redeemed.

People like to throw the bible at you saying "an eye for an eye". Well, I know that Jesus himself was against revenge. It was he that said "but whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other to him also." That passage is definitely not someone who is seeking revenge. Now, I know some of you are going to say the bible says "you must obey the law of the land," and while I believe this is true, in my opinion it still doesn't justify the states policy of deciding who lives or dies.


We know for a fact that the death penalty doesn't act as a deterrent. If it did, people wouldn't kill people, yet they still do. It costs just as much to execute someone than it does to keep them imprisoned for life. Let's stop the madness. Stop the killing. Let God decide who lives or dies. Now go hug someone.

DT Money

I was wondering the other day where some phrases come from.  For example… Who came up with “Are you shitting me?”  and how did it come about?  It also brings to mind, “No shit?!”  Anybody know where that stuff came from?  What are some other ones that make no sense at all when you think of the actual verbiage or context?

Side note:  When someone would say to my dad “Are you shitting me?” he would often respond, “No way!  You’re my favorite turd.”  FYI.