Anybody out there have pictures that belong on this website?

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Found this on another blog. Funny stuff.

Portrait of a Movement

Whatever that is.

Remember the post yesterday about Bush's interview with Brit Hume? He mentioned to Brit that he thought Jack Abramoff was an equal money dispenser and gave to Democrats as well as Republicans. As it turns out, that is not the case. Surprise!

The lobbyist himself was a Bush Pioneer and directly wrote more than 200K in checks from '92 to '05 to Republicans. Abramoff never gave a penny to Democrats or Democratic committees. True -- he encouraged or "directed," as the Washington Post says, his clients to give generously to politicians of parties, which they did. And several associates who worked closely with Abramoff were, indeed, "equal money dispenser[s]" as Bush said.

But not Abramoff himself.

Behold, Larry Sizzle's favorite things about Bill Brasky. Not to be confused with A Bunch of Stuff You Didn’t Know About Chuck Norris.

He’s a ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Bill Brasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"He sheds his skin once a year."

"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."

"Brasky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos."

-Jack Shanaberger, Age 4

His father, Staff Sgt. Wentz Shanaberger, was killed march 23rd, 2004 in an ambush in Iraq.

Watch this (flash) video.

Have you heard the latest rumour that Katie Holmes is in fact, not pregnant? I thought that it was weird that she would have such a big stomach and "outtie" already. I thought that thing didn't pop out until the turkey was almost ready to come out of the oven? I hear that she is wearing a fake stomach out in public. Here is a picture of the "three" of them on their way to a soccer game last week.


On a side note, don't you think that Tom is unusually grinny lately? I know, I know. He's in love! I must have looked like that when I was first dating my wife. I think his grin looks like he is putting on a show though. Kinda helps the fake baby story. Watch them have the baby right before Mission: Impossible 3 comes out. Mark my words now. It will happen. It will also be the most beautiful baby the world has ever seen.









Here is another picture that actually weirds me out. It looks like Tom is telling Katie to "Cover up your stomach! Put your hand over it so that the paparazzi doesn't see your fat stomach and penis-length bellybutton!" He looks like he is actually coaching her in this picture.

I can't help feeling bad for Katie. I feel like she's been brainwashed by some big A-list celebrity and is doing whatever she can to stay close to him. Seriously, does she even know what Scientology is about? Do you? Here is a taste of what Scientologist believe...

In Scientology doctrine, Xenu (also Xemu) is a galactic ruler who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to cause problems today.

More fun stuff about Xenu and Scientology can be found here and here. Enjoy!

The idiot in charge of our country was interviewed by Brit Hume yesterday. (I'm so surprised that FOX got him to sit down before any other channels!) Anyways, here's a quote from the interview regarding Tom DeLay's case and the prosecutor agains him.

HUME: You know a thing or two about Texas politics. What is your judgment of the prosecutor in the case, Ronnie Earle?

BUSH: I'm not going to go there, simply because I want — I want this trial to be conducted as fairly as possible. >And the more politics that are in it, the less likely it's going to be fair.

HUME: Do you just — do you believe he's innocent?

BUSH: Do I? Yes, I do.


Way to stay out of it, asshole.

Later, he went on to say he hopes DeLay will be cleared of charges that he illegally steered corporate money into campaigns for the Texas legislature and will reclaim his powerful leadership position in Congress.

"I hope that he will, 'cause I like him, and plus, when he's over there, we get our votes through the House," Bush told Fox News's Brit Hume.

It is highly unusual for a president to express an opinion on a pending legal case. Richard M. Nixon, for instance, was widely criticized for declaring Charles Manson "guilty, directly or indirectly" of murder while Manson's trial was ongoing.

Then the best part came. We got another Bushism. The subject of the Abramoff scandal came up and this is what he said:

"Secondly, the Abramoff -- I'm not, frankly, all that familiar with a lot that's going on over at Capitol Hill, but it seems like to me that he was an equal money dispenser, that he was giving money to people in both political parties."

How can you not be that familiar with something yet still have a something to say about it? And what the f*ck is an "equal money dispenser" anyhow?

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Just watched the trailer for The Da Vinci Code. Now, while I didn't read Dan Brown's book, I do have a pretty good idea as to what the story is about. I have also watched some History Channel stuff on what the Da Vinci Code allegedly is. This movie could be huge. Looks like the kind of Tom Hanks movie where I won't hate him. Watch it for yourself here.

Next up is Poseidon. Again, never saw the original Poseidon Adventure, but I know what it's all about. This looks like a pretty good movie too. Could go either way though. Really fun and exciting or very cliche and predictable. I am hoping for fun, obviously. Because I'd be an idiot to actually want a movie to suck.

Clarence Ray Allen, the next inmate scheduled to die in San Quentin State Prison's execution chamber, may pose a quandary as vexing for Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Stanley Tookie Williams.

Allen, who has spent more than a quarter-century on Death Row, is slated to die by lethal injection Jan. 17. He would be the oldest and most infirm prisoner executed in the United States since the death penalty was restored in 1977, according to his lawyers.

Allen, who turns 76 on Jan. 16, uses a wheelchair. An advanced case of diabetes has left him legally blind. He suffered a heart attack Sept. 2.

The state says Allen's deteriorating health is irrelevant.

"He was tried, convicted and sentenced to death, and the law requires that his sentence be carried out regardless of his age or health," said Nathan Barankin, a spokesman for Attorney General Bill Lockyer. "It's the same for any other inmate, whether you are sentenced to death or to 10 years in prison. The law requires that you serve your sentence and pay the penalty."

On Friday, Bill O’Reilly took to the airwaves to share the latest “War on Christmas” outrage:

In Dodgeville, Wisconsin, the Ridgewood Elementary School has changed the song Silent Night to Cold in the Night and forced the kids to sing the lyrics, “Cold in the night, No one in sight, Winter winds whirl and bite,” to the tune of the original Silent Night.

O’Reilly was by no means the only conservative to repeat this story. During a Dec. 10 appearance on Fox News, Mathew Staver of the Liberty Counsel said the presentation at Ridgewood Elementary had “no balance here. They have no Christian Christmas carols.” He even threatened to sue the school:

People are outraged. We sent a demand letter asking them to immediately change the song and allow the actual lyrics of “Silent Night,” and if they do not, if they insist on this ridiculous course of action, we’ll file a federal lawsuit.

As it turns out, the entire story is a fraud.

Ridgeway Elementary didn’t change the lyrics to “Silent Night.” What they did was perform a 1988 copyrighted play called “The Little Tree’s Christmas Gift.”

That play actually contains numerous songs about Christmas, including the grand finale, an audience-led group singing of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.” The play’s creator, Dwight Elrich, happens to lead the New Covenant Singers of Bel Air Presbyterian Church in Los Angeles.

In fact, “The Little Tree’s Christmas Gift” has been performed in several churches, including the Oakwood Forest Christian Church in Kingsport, Tennessee, the St. Anthony Parish School in Des Moines, Iowa, and St. Mark’s Episcopal Church of Abeline, Texas.

So why are the Silent Night lyrics changed in “Little Tree’s Christmas”? Because the play is about a small, lonely Christmas tree that is told it is “too scraggly, it will never sell.” That character sings the revised lyrics — “Cold in the night, No one in sight, Winter winds whirl and bite” — in a scene lamenting his sad state. The rewording has absolutely nothing to do with “secularizing” the song.

Sorry, Virginia, there is no “War on Christmas.”

But there's still a Scrooge!

Imagine how much it would hurt to have paper cuts adminstered to your eyelids.

This is history repeating itself. Some of you are too young to remember this, (actually so am I) but during the Vietnam war, anti-war sentiment had grown so strong in the US that then Presidents Johnson and Nixon were only able to give speeches in front of military audiences. Annapolis, West Point, Fort Brag, etc.....Well this war in Iraq is no different. Having already given speeches at West Point, Annapolis, and the Air Force Academy, President Bush appears to be running out of those military audiences! Rumor has it that his next stop will be at Lincoln Memorial High School in front of some ROTC cadets!

DT Money

Looks like the Queen of Soul has been on that new fad diet where you drink 128 ounces of baby oil a day.

Just stumbled across these pictures from the era of The Depression. What makes these different is that they are colorized. When I heard about the coloring of it, I imagined the way Ted Turner used to colorize classic movies and how people looked pink and artificial. That is not the case with these photos. They are very sharp and in my opinion very good quality and color. Check them out.

$204.4billion The cost to the US of the war so far. The UK's bill up until March 2005 was £3.1 billion

2,339 Allied troops killed

98 UK troops killed

30,000 Estimated Iraqi civilian deaths

0 Number of WMDs found

8 per cent of Iraqi children suffering acute malnutrition

$35,819m World Bank estimated cost of reconstruction

53,470 Iraqi insurgents killed

67 per cent Iraqis who feel less secure because of occupation

$343 Average monthly salary for an Iraqi soldier. Average monthly salary for an American soldier in Iraq: $4,160.75

66 journalists killed in Iraq. Journalists killed during Vietnam war: 63

5 foreign civilians kidnapped per month

47 per cent Iraqis who never have enough electricity

20 casualties per month from unexploded mines

20 per cent Inflation rate 2005

25-40 per cent Estimated unemployment rate, Nov 2005

251 Foreigners kidnapped

70 per cent of Iraqi's whose sewage system rarely works

183,000 British and American troops are still in action in Iraq. There are 162,000 US troops and 8,000 British with 13,000 from other nations

90 Daily attacks by insurgents in Nov '05. In Jun '03: 8

82 per centIraqis who are "strongly opposed" to presence of coalition troops

15,955 US troops wounded in action

Well, he's officially earned the name. By earning his name, I mean, earning his bones. By earning his bones, I mean denying clemency. By denying clemency, I mean being an asshole. By being...

Hope this haunts you every night Arnie.

Would you drive around with a Starbucks coffee cup attached to the roof of your car, pretending like you accidentally left it up there? Well, apparently that is what some Starbucks shops are paying people to do. Think about, you always look right at what's on top of the car when some idiot drives by! Read this story from a guy who thought he was trying to help someone out and tell them about their cup on top...

Today as I was crossing the Embarcadero I noticed that this gentleman had left his coffee on the roof of his car. Midway through the cross walk I turned and pointed at him and he just waved at me. I ran back to the other side of the crosswalk and approached his window as he wasn't getting what I was pointing at. When I got close enough to speak to him I told him that his coffee was on his roof. He looked at me and said, "I know, Happy Holiday's from Starbucks!" At first I didn't get it, it didn't sink in, so I told him again, your coffee it's on your roof and again he looked me square in they eye and said, "yes, yes, I know, Happy Holidays from Starbucks." It was at this point that I realized that the coffee cup was permanently affixed to his roof and that he was an advertisment in disguise. Even though I'm not sure how I feel about cars clogging traffic and poluting the City with exhaust to make a marketing point, I still had a chuckle when I realized that I'd been had.

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Pope Benedict warned on Sunday against rampant materialism which he said was polluting the spirit of Christmas.

"In today's consumer society, this time of the year unfortunately suffers from a sort of commercial 'pollution' that threatens to alter its real spirit," the Pope told a large crowd gathered in St. Peter's Square to hear his weekly Angelus blessing.

He said Christmas should be marked with sober celebrations and urged Christians to display a nativity crib in their houses as "a simple but effective way of showing their faith and conveying it to their children."

Last year, under Pope John Paul, the Vatican launched a high-profile campaign to urge Roman Catholic Italy not to compromise the spirit of Christmas through excess or dilute its message out of fear of offending a growing Muslim population.

Maybe I do like the new Pope.

Program your favorite Holiday songs and she'll sing them for you. Dr. Philbot sold seperately.

I'm so not into women who smoke. Especially celebrities. Today came across 3 different "superstars" smoking in paparazzi pictures. I had never heard of these celebrities smoking before or even seen them doing it in a movie. Behold, the most recent women to be taken off my hot list. Actually, none of them were ever on one. This just helps me justify them being skanks in the Book of Sizzle. Dunst is nasty, Lopez is over-rated, and Beckinsale has never really done anything for me. Interesting note to the Kate Beckinsale one: She just finished a workout (outside) with the dude in the picture. I usually grab a Gatorade when I'm done. Maybe I ought to start going for the Kool.

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Found a blog out there that poses some great questions for people who still support George W. Bush. Here are a few of the questions that he asks (in detail).

Do you ever lie awake at night and question how the world went from a mentality of "we are all Americans today" on September 12, 2001 to almost universally despising our country now? To what do you attribute this?

Is your family better off and more stable socially, medically and economically now than when Bill Clinton was president? Even assuming you are not an economist, how do you compare the 22.7 million jobs created by President Clinton's administration with a net loss of jobs -- a 4.6 percent decrease in total employment -- since Bush took office?

Do you understand that no tangible, truthful reason has ever been given for the invasion of Iraq and that the 9/11 Commission Report – which is the de facto, official findings of our government – says there was no reason whatsoever for this war?

When you look at the picture of even one military man or woman killed in Iraq and imagine the pain their family must feel, can you multiply that by 2,134 and believe that was a worthwhile down payment on removing Saddam Hussein from power? Before you answer, are you aware that Iraq had nothing to do with any attacks on our country and that it has been proven that Saddam Hussein had no capability at all to harm our people?

Read the rest of the article and questions here.

John Holley and his wife, Stacey, were stunned when they found out the body of their only child, Matthew, who died in Iraq last month, would be arriving at Lindbergh Field as freight.



Dead heroes are supposed to come home with their coffins draped with the American flag -- greeted by a color guard. But in reality, many are arriving as freight on commercial airliners -- stuffed in the belly of a plane with suitcases and other cargo.




Boy, I’d be pissed too! ESPECIALLY if it was my ONLY son.

Read the rest here.